A closed letter to S

A closed letter to S

I’m not gonna lie and say you make sense to me. 

I’ve explained it all to myself repeatedly 

The list of reasons you’re too good for me

Followed closely by the list of why you could never love me

The current version of you only lives in my head

Surrounded by people in NZ, choosing to talk with you instead

So I focus on numbing my feelings and the passing of time. 

Stuck somewhere between right here and the sublime 

The distance really is quite minuscule,

But maybe I should choose silence over another full-blown spectacle. 

I wanna be able to tell you I love you and have that make all your problems go away

You make everything seem possible, in a calming way

I keep leaving hoping one day you’ll ask me to stay

Childishly dreaming that you’ll choose me one day

Loudly hoping you’re the someone who loves me back someday

MH